I don't know why I keep listening to songs that remind me of warm, familiar times not too long ago. like a friend once said, driving plus sad songs is a prescription straight to hell. I guess i won't be driving much lately, but I've found a couple of ways to fall asleep at night.

Crying is a good way to tire yourself out. If you drink plenty of water and prepare spoons in the freezer to cure the puffy eyes in the morning, there's nothing better than a good cry.. at least it feels like you're accomplishing something. It's like picking at a scab before it's ripe. you know it's bad reopening a fresh wound with dirty fingers, but some sick and twisted part of your brain tells you that you enjoy the self-induced pain.

Another one apparently is masturbation. although i've been quite turned off lately by myself...i think i'm going to have to start trying that one soon. maybe even repeat several times a day because effects are brief.

During the day, it's good to try and wake up as late as possible and afterwards, keep busy with whatever, such as cleaning your room, watching movies, or go out with what little friends you have remaining after a long relationship. At the end of the day, if still can't sleep, it's wise to repeat the above 2 procedures to fall asleep.

But in the end, nothing will do much to help the pain accept to wait it out. it's not some poisonous venom that you can push out by crying...it's something very raw. and it's real... And what's worse than a broken heart is one that's responsible for breaking the other person's also. I write as if I'm the victim here, but the truth is..I could've prevented all of this from happening, but things aren't the same as they used to be, and I'm sorry I had to do it...i wake up with a feeling of regret. deep sense of remorse. But i know in the end.. these feelings will subside, and we'll be left of memories of a once beautiful relationship. something pure and euphoric. something worthy of joy and pain all at the same time.